Ali Abdaal - Jemma Sbeghen

1) Jemma Sbeghen and Ali Abdaal discuss the feeling of being lost in your 20s due to the overwhelming number of life choices and options paralyzed by the "paradox of choice". This feeling is further amplified by the expectation to have a clear path and direction in life, which can be seen as a negative thing. However, Jemma argues that a lack of direction also means an abundance of opportunity, and it's essential to picture how you want your life to feel like on an average day, instead of trying to imagine what your life looks like down to the detail. She suggests focusing on the emotions you want to feel and acknowledging that there will be multiple paths to get there, a liberating thought.

2) Jemma and Ali discuss the importance of focusing on the feelings and experiences rather than specific milestones or goals when it comes to imagining their ideal future. They emphasize the need to prioritize personal fulfillment over societal norms or pressure, and to recognize that feeling lost or uncertain is a common experience during one's 20s. Additionally, the talk explores the issue of over-indexing on the "big picture" and success, and how this can lead to misplaced expectations of happiness.

3) Jemma challenges the myth that we need to have our lives figured out in our 20s, and the idea that our decisions in this decade will determine our overall happiness for the rest of our lives. She believes that we are allowed to treat our lives as discreet moments, and that we have the freedom to change our trajectory at any point. She also sees value in pursuing financial security and a fruitful career while still allowing oneself to take risks, have fun, travel, and create memories. She advocates for balance and consistency in achieving a fulfilling life that includes the important things like friends, family, love, and joy.

4) Jemma and Ali discuss how people in their twenties often feel pressure to figure out their life and career path. They note that this pressure can lead to burnout and stress, and emphasize the importance of consistency and building good habits over time to avoid these negative effects. She reflects on her own experience as a teenager and acknowledges that it's easy to get caught up in the idea of needing to plan out one's entire life.

5) Jemma talks about the importance of feeling comfortable being alone and how to build this habit. She suggests carving out time in your week to experience solitude, where you sit with yourself in silence, engage in a hobby, or write in a journal. Sbeghen believes that loneliness is not your enemy and that putting time into taking care of yourself is essential for self-reflection and understanding who you are. She recommends journaling prompts like "What are my goals for tomorrow?" and "What is one small thing in your life right now that you could change and you'd be happier for it?" for building the habit of self-reflection.

6) Jemma offers two tips for maintaining and building friendships during the period after university. First, she emphasizes that if you want to see pre-existing friends, you must take the initiative to plan something. She suggests hosting a regular Sunday dinner or Saturday brunch, which doesn't take much time to coordinate and provides a space to bring everyone together. Second, she recommends showing up consistently to the same hobbies or activities with the aim of meeting people with similar interests and building familiar connections over time.

7) Jemma discusses the importance of making active listening a habit, especially while navigating social relationships in your 20s. According to her, active listening is a skill that takes time and practice, and anyone can benefit from it regardless of age. Also, she provides tips for practicing active listening, such as visualizing the her words, picking up on body cues, such as how the speaker is feeling, and responding positively. Jemma also shares the concept of "energizing responses," where active constructive responses are considered more desirable than passive or destructive ones, and those who make active constructive responses are perceived as more enjoyable to be around.

8) Jemma discusses the importance of reciprocating good energy and enthusiastically greeting people in order to make relationships more energizing. They also share their thoughts on setting healthy boundaries in relationships and how it's a great time to learn how to set them in your 20s. The habit they suggest for setting boundaries is to understand what you want from your relationships and the behavior that you won't accept and communicate that to people without worrying about hurting their feelings. She shares a personal example of how they had to set boundaries with a friend who was affected by the distance between them.

9) Jemma discusses the importance of being honest in relationships and setting boundaries. She suggests that honesty is crucial in building healthy relationships. Being honest about what is going on in your life and involving your partner in the decision-making process, such as when you need to set a boundary, is important. She also emphasizes the need for compromise and good, flexible boundaries. When it comes to careers, Sbeghen believes that stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks is vital for growth. She encourages women to back themselves and be confident in their abilities and to be willing to apply for jobs that may be a little outside of their comfort zone.

10) Jemma and Ali Abdaal discuss the importance of job-hopping in your 20s. Jemma believes that individuals should take risks and seek new opportunities in various industries, rather than rely on their first job right out of university. Changing jobs and roles can provide valuable experience that ultimately contributes to finding fulfilling work. Jemma's guest notes that staying with one company can be beneficial if the company provides tremendous growth opportunities. Ultimately, altering jobs and roles can lead to growth and life experiences that may not be available later in life. However, some people choose to prioritize enjoying their 20s and not striving and grinding in their careers.

11) Jemma discusses the importance of taking time for oneself and practicing work-life balance. She suggests setting up an "ideal week" calendar, where individuals block out time for activities they value and that are important to them. This allows them to prioritize and limit commitments, giving them visibility into how much time they have. Sbeghen also notes the importance of focusing on one's identity and values, rather than an elusive concept of a "true self," as this will change throughout a person's life.

12) Jemma discusses the importance of understanding one's own identity during the 20s. She explains that people in their late teens have developed their identity from external influences such as parents, family, media, and peers. Leaving a conservative home or discovering one's sexuality or political affiliation allows individuals to question and decide which parts of their identity they wish to keep or discard. Sbeghen also recommends an activity where individuals can identify their values and align their actions with them, which can clarify future goals.