Ali Abdaal - Louise Perry

1) Louise Perry argues that the sex positive view of feminism shades very easily from being generally positive towards women having one night stands to becoming almost compulsory, where not having one night stands is viewed as weird. Perry states that sex positive feminism provides cover for a culture that is actually very coercive. She adds that our choices are constrained in practice and emphasizes that the idea of doing away with shame entirely is not only impossible but also bad. The question is what we should be attaching shame to, and while Perry agrees that women should be allowed to have one night stands, the problem arises when having sex like a man is seen as the ideal and the default.

2) Louise Perry, author of "The Case Against the Sexual Revolution," talks about the chapter titles in her book and how they provoked differing reactions from readers. She explains the concept of sexual disenchantment, where sex loses its sacred status and becomes approached as just another social interaction, and how this doesn't hold up in reality, as people still have visceral reactions to their partners having sex with others. She argues that sex needs to be taken seriously and that the modern approach to it is lacking in meaning and purpose.

3) Louise argues that sex is fundamentally different from other human interactions, making it difficult to compare it to other experiences. She uses the example of a boss asking an employee to do something outside of their job description, versus a boss asking for sexual favors. Sexual encounters have a unique emotional resonance that sets them apart from other interactions, which is why people feel differently about them. She notes that the inability to recognize this special status of sex can be problematic, especially in cases of sexual assault or rape, which can't be explained away simply as violating bodily autonomy.

4) Louise discusses the issue of sexual favors in return for rent and the inconsistencies in people's stances on sex. She highlights the fact that while most people denounce the idea of exchanging sexual favors for free rent, they support the decriminalization of the sex industry. Perry argues that this is an inconsistency, as both actions involve exchanging one form of economic good for another. She suggests that the discomfort with sex for rent may stem from the fact that it highlights the reality of the sex industry and the vulnerability of marginalized individuals. Perry also points out that there may be a class element at play in the reporting of these incidents, as it is often framed in terms of middle-class women being coerced.

5) Louise discusses the photos used to represent the sex industry and how they only ever show women in sexy outfits, while clients are never shown. She also discusses how a German woman took photos of sex buyers to demonstrate that they are not attractive and are not seeking consensual sex. Perry argues that prostitution causes trauma to women because women have a deep-seated instinct to choose who they have sex with, which makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. She believes that sex is a special good that should be taken seriously, and men and women have physical, psychological, and emotional differences, making heterosexual encounters asymmetrical.

6) Louise discusses the physical differences between men and women and how this affects dating and relationships. She highlights that men have a physical advantage over women and that women also risk pregnancy and suffer the risks associated with things like hormone control. Despite understanding that there are exceptions to the general rule, Perry believes that society should pay attention to general averages and apply these to cultural norms and laws. She argues that a consent framework is not enough and that norms should be put in place to protect women from physical harm in relationships.

7) Louise discusses the difficulties of legislating legal models in relation to the sex industry, particularly the problem with decriminalizing the demand and making it legal to pay for sex. She argues that there aren't actually enough women who are willing to meet that demand,and most women don't want to be in prostitution, except when they're very poor or are otherwise coerced. Perry also talks about the Nordic model where sellers are decriminalized, but buyers are criminalized, so it reduces the demand and criminalizes the powerful people, mostly men, who buy sex rather than the poor women who are forced into prostitution.

8) Louise discusses the biologically driven differences between men and women that contribute to the massive gap in violent aggression and sociosexuality. While acknowledging some influence from childhood socialization, the speaker argues that the consistency of these differences across cultures and time points to a primarily biological explanation. Specifically, men tend to have higher levels of sociosexuality, which manifests as an interest in sexual variety and a willingness to have sex without love. She cites examples of women seeking to participate in hookup culture but feeling held back by their emotional attachment to their partners, suggesting that the desire for unrestricted sociosexuality is primarily a male trait.

9) Louise discusses the different perspectives of men and women on casual sex. While men often enjoy the freedom to have sex with multiple partners without emotional attachment, women tend to seek more stable and committed relationships. She notes that men have different modes when it comes to sex, with lower standards for casual sex partners but higher standards for long-term partners. Conversely, women tend to apply the same criteria for both casual and long-term partners. Women who cheat, unlike men, generally do so because they are unhappy in their current relationships and are looking to line up their next partner rather than just pure sexual desire.

10) This discussion revolves around the idea that the sexual revolution has benefited high-status men who have multiple partners and are not obligated to stick to just one woman. On dating apps, for example, the most attractive men can accumulate multiple partners while most men get none, and women are flocking to the top men and having brief, unsatisfying relationships. However, women also have an advantage as they are inundated with matches while the majority of men get almost nothing.

11) Louise delves into the unequal aspects of dating apps like Tinder, where a minority of men get most of the attention and matches, leaving the majority to have a less successful experience. This notion is applied to other areas, such as porn, suggesting that despite the wide spreadavailability of it, there's an increasing concern, particularly amongst men, that porn is bad for them. The conversation moves on to the issue of consent, where a feminist framework leaves only the vocabulary of consent available. In the example of an Aziz Ansari scandal, although the woman in question had legally given consent, the issue was that Aziz Ansari behaved like a pig, but wasn't necessarily breaking the law.

12) Louise discusses the limitations of using "consent" as the primary framework for analyzing sexual encounters. She argues that while consent may be the legal bar, there is also a moral and gentlemanly bar that should be taken into account. By only using consent as the battleground for sexual disputes, we are missing the larger cultural and societal factors that influence behavior. Perry also cites examples of women feeling terrible after consensual encounters because the norms and expectations of the hookup culture are not suited to their self-interests. She argues that the normalization of this culture is not feminist and may be fueled by liberalism and hypergamy.

13) Louise discusses the informal polygamy that has emerged due to the sexual revolution, stating that men now have an amazing amount of power in the dating market and can demand the kind of sex they like from women, putting pressure on them to comply. She argues that while some women may find it empowering, it's often due to self-deception and societal pressures, and many regret it later on. Perry does not advocate for a return to pre-1950s morality but is concerned about the potential for backlash and the possibility of women being shamed or criminalized.

14) Louise discusses her experience volunteering at a Rape Crisis Center and the differences between feminist theory and feminist reality. She found that feminist theory courses had little focus on violence or biology, and instead primarily discussed gender presentation and defining women. Perry discovered that an underground and alarming proportion of child sexual abuse is committed by stepfathers and that there is a clear determinant for predicting child abuse. Additionally, she notes that the modal rape victim is 15, and the proportion of female rape victims over 30 is in the single digits. She believes that recognizing sexual desire as a potential factor in sexual violence is important and questioning the full story of academic feminist explanations for this phenomenon.

15) Louise defends her controversial statement that women should not get drunk around men. She emphasizes that she does not advocate against drinking but against getting blind drunk around men who cannot be trusted. Privately, feminist women already advise their friends and loved ones to be cautious, but publicly, the idea is not popular. Social norms encourage women to drink like men, but it also increases the risk of sexualviolence. Admitting the truth can be difficult, and there are trade-offs involved, such as the risk of reinforcing negative stereotypes around rape victims. However, Perry argues that honesty is crucial in preventing victim blaming and reducing the impact of rape myths embedded in the criminal justice system.

16) Louise discusses the difficulty of prosecuting sexual assault and the importance of taking preventative measures. She argues that no matter how good the system is, the nature of sexual assault makes it almost impossible to have a 100% prosecution rate. Therefore, she suggests that it is more important to focus on preventative measures, such as promoting safe drinking habits and encouraging friends to watch out for each other in public. Perry critiques the "don't tell women how to dress, teach men not to rape" mentality, noting that women should make themselves aware of the reality of assault instead of pretending that bad actors don't exist.

17) Louise notes that the second wave feminist movement's utopian style of thinking has largely failed, and as a result, there is a need to work around some of the challenges of society rather than trying to overhaul the entire system. Additionally, BDSM is a controversial topic discussed in this section, with the speaker noting that it is difficult to differentiate between consensual BDSM and domestic violence from an outside perspective, creating legal challenges that may result in the justification of violence against women.

18) Louise Perry discusses a case involving a woman who was abused by her husband and claims that women who suffer domestic abuse are often bullied into silence by their abusers, which is why they might not testify in court. She also mentions that even though BDSM might seem like a choice some people make, others end up being taken advantage of, coerced and abused. Lastly, she comments on how certain sexual practices such as choking can end up being normalized and eventually become a part of the sexual script, which can lead to gendered violence and the reinforcement of dysfunctional arousal patterns.