Chris Williamson - Abby Davisson

1)      Abby Davisson discusses the importance of timing and mental preparation when it comes to making big decisions. She also talks about the conventional decision-making wisdom that separates love and money as two separate realms. Instead, she argues that any major decision has elements of both love and money to it, and ignoring one would cause regret later on. To operationalize the use of the heart in decision-making, Abby proposes a framework of the five C's: clarify, communicate, choices, check-in, and consequences. The first step, clarify, is the most critical since it sets the stage for all the other steps. Clarity requires understanding what you want, free from societal and external influences.

2)      Abby Davisson discusses the importance of considering the consequences of our decisions on multiple time horizons to overcome our natural short-term bias. She gives an example of how her son had to switch schools even though he was uncomfortable, and how this decision may lead to more comfort in the long run. Davisson acknowledges the potential downside of getting too caught up in considering consequences, leading to analysis paralysis and anxiety. She suggests going through the decision-making process and communicating with others involved to gain more confidence in the decision. Effective communication for decision-making involves not just talking, but also actively listening and being open to feedback from others.

3)      Abby discusses the importance of setting up the right conditions for big conversations and listening during them, as well as considering different choices outside of the typical binaries when making decisions. Davisson emphasizes the value of taking time to think through situations by going outside or going on a hike, for example, and to avoid springing big discussions on someone during busy or stressful times.Additionally, she highlights how checking in with others and hearing their solutions can lead to more creative options that may not have been initially considered. Finally, Davisson notes that decisions around money and love are idiosyncratic and have life-changing consequences, so it is crucial to carefully evaluate all options before making a choice.

4)      Abby discusses how life's biggest decisions can be daunting and paralyzing due to the high stakes involved. She explains how money concerns are a crucial factor in love decisions because connecting your life with someone means their financial decisions will impact you, such as debt becoming your debt, and their windfalls becoming your windfalls. Furthermore, decisions such as having children can significantly influence career paths, particularly for women. Davisson emphasizes the importance of having big conversations before making major decisions with a partner, such as discussing career aspirations, children, and financial responsibilities. These shared conversations can determine if a relationship is going in the right direction and if both partners have similar long-term goals.

5)      Abby discusses the importance of having conversations around prenuptial agreements, as it legally ties two individuals together in terms of finances. Davisson highlights how prenups are on the rise due to the increase in assets and debt couples have before marriage. She suggests that having discussions about debt and assets can be done formally or informally, with the support of attorneys, financial coaches, or therapists,which can prevent any future issues in the relationship. Davisson notes that prenuptial agreements, while not essential, can be beneficial because it allows couples to enter the marriage with their eyes wide open about each other's financial situation. Ultimately, Davisson emphasizes the importance of having conversations leading up to marriage to ensure that goals and values align to prevent any potential challenges or issues in the future.

6)      Abby discusses the costs associated with having children, particularly childcare. Many people are shocked to discover the high cost ofchild-rearing, estimated at half a million dollars through age 18. To avoidflawed math, Davisson clarifies that child care costs should be deducted fromthe joint paycheck because it is a long-term investment in both careers. Shestresses the importance of getting on the same page with your partner aboutyour approach to child care, your feelings about how they want your child to becared for, and how to divide the work. An exercise in her book teachescouples to look at all of the different tasks required to care for a householdand child, and discuss their approach to these tasks.

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7)     Davisson advises couples on how to bring up issuesin their relationships without causing friction. She recommends scheduling a weekly check-in, called Taking Care of Business (TCOB), where couples can review the mundane tasks in their household, discuss their schedules for theweek, plan trips, or give updates about their lives. This practice eliminates nagging and allows the couple to communicate their challenges and collaborate on solutions. Abby also mentions that the most common life decision regret that people have is not taking risks or trying something they've always wanted to do.

8)      Chris discusses the fear of the unknown and the regret of not doing something. Being human, people tend to be daunted by the unknown, but they love the possibility of achieving their goals, such as publishing a book or spending time with a loved one. The desire to take that leap generates a feeling of confidence and empowerment, even though the outcome is uncertain. Essentially, people regret the things they didn't do rather than the things they did. Chris also mentions the importance of therapy indecision-making, especially in amicable divorces involving children, where objectivity can be hard to reach.

9)      Abby discusses amicable divorces and how it is possible to have shared experiences, bigger than the couple, that allow children to have both of their parents together on a meaningful day. She explains that a less amicable divorce would be caused by trying to win and get everything on your terms without compromising. She shares a story of a woman who moved out of the house to allow her teenage son to have a stronger relationship with his father. The discussion then turns towards choosing where to live and how it is important to consider your values and priorities.

10)  Abby advises listeners on how to make big decisions, specifically focusing on moving to a new place and elder care. Davisson suggests prototyping by spending time in the new location and talking to people who have already made similar moves to get a sense of what life will be like.It's also important to play out different scenarios to get a better sense of the potential positives and negatives of the decision. When it comes to eldercare, Davisson advises that it's important to have conversations with parents or elderly relatives, with an emphasis on approaching the topic with respect, grace, and understanding of the other person's priorities.

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11)   Abby talks about the different options available for elder care, such as hiring home health aides or moving into a life plan community. She also mentions long-term care insurance and the limitations of health insurance for older people. Davisson emphasizes the importance of having difficult conversations about elder care with loved ones earlier rather than later, and suggests blaming it on a book or article to make it easier to broach the topic. She also recommends having an advanced directive in place to communicate a person's medical wishes.

12)   Abby Davisson discusses the importance of having an advanced directive for driving, which is a document that states when someone wants to turn in their license and stop driving. She explains that it is better to have this conversation in the abstract rather than waiting until it becomes necessary. Davisson also promotes the moneylovebook.com website, which has a quiz that can help people determine their money and love decision-making style, allowing for the establishment of guard rails to overcome their tendencies.

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