Chris Williamson - Emily Morse

1) Sex expert Emily Morse discusses the lack of sex education in America, where only 17 states require medically accurate sex ed, which contributes to a lack of knowledge about pleasure. She argues that the proliferation of porn without proper education is dangerous, and that society is not comfortable talking about sex. Morse also shares her personal experience where her publisher advised her not to put the word "sex" in her upcoming book title as it would get buried in Google search algorithms, highlighting the challenges with discussing sex. Morse believes that shame surrounding our bodies and sex has been present since the beginning of humanity, but the modern world may not necessarily be sex-negative. However, young people still express reluctance to talk about sex, and Morse wonders if societal norms make the topic sacred and therefore not suitable for discussion.

2) Emily discusses the impact of sexual shame and lack of education on sexual experiences. In countries like the Netherlands, sex education is normalized and includes pleasure, consent, and asking for what you want. Morse believes that the lack of information on female orgasms, the orgasm gap, and prevalent sexual pain are due to this shame and lack of education. Morse aims to change this and improve sexual experiences by providing comprehensive sexual education and allowing people to decide what good sex looks like for them. Despite having technology that has improved many aspects of life, the quality of sex appears to have stagnated possibly due to our current puritanical world which prioritizes work over pleasure.

3) Emily explains how to prioritize pleasure, and how pleasure is productive - the more pleasure you have in your life, the more you prioritize it. Emily created a pleasure percentage formula for people to determine how many minutes in a day or week can be dedicated to pleasure, which is often neglected due to busy schedules and feelings of guilt. She explains that the initial excitement of sex fades over time due to biology, however, communication with your partner about sex can help to keep it interesting and fresh. Emily emphasizes the importance of talking about sex, which will result in having better sex.\

4) Emily discusses the importance of being intentional about sexual health, just as we are with our physical and mental health. She explains that many of us compartmentalize sex and feel disconnected from it, leading to a lack of prioritization. Emily also highlights the pleasure thieves which stop people from experiencing pleasure during sex, including stress, anxiety, shame, unhealed trauma, and medications. Finally, she recommends therapy and paying attention to medication side effects to improve one's sexual health.

5) Emily discusses a study that shows that women who start birth control at a young age and stop later on have a lower level of sexual satisfaction with their partner than those who never started. This is due to the impact of birth control on a woman's libido, attraction, and other factors. Emily stresses the importance of communication when addressing these concerns with your partner and recommends using the three T's - timing, tone, and turf. It's crucial to have these conversations from a place of curiosity and compassion, in a neutral setting, and with an open, collaborative tone. Emily provides scripts and communication guides in her book to help couples start these discussions effectively.

6) Emily shares tips on how couples can have better communication about their sex life. She recommends using active listening tools to ensure that both partners are heard and understood, and having regular conversations about sexual desires and preferences. Morse also suggests leaving cues around the house, such as charging sex toys, to keep things organized and ready to go. When bringing up the topic of sex with a partner, she advises using a growth mindset approach and offering a compliment sandwich, with positive feedback, constructive criticism, and a positive outcome for both partners. Finally, Morse addresses performance anxiety and suggests finding ways to make the conversation more relaxed and gentle.

7) Emily discusses the importance of initiating and integrating sex into relationships and the challenges that come with it. Often, one person is the high desire partner while the other is the low desire partner, which can lead to exhaustion and feelings of rejection. It's important to realize that initiating is a skill set that can be learned. Morse encourages partners to have conversations about initiating so they can learn what their partner finds hot and make it a habit. She also suggests that we get smart about our arousal and desires by understanding what turns us on and hacking it by planning our approach to initiate sex. The key takeaway is that initiating sex is not reserved for one gender; everyone can learn to initiate and integrate sex into their relationship.

8) Emily discusses how common it is for people to get stuck when it comes to initiating sex and how it can lead to various issues. She stresses the importance of communication and understanding one's sexual needs and desires. She also mentions the expectations that society has on men and women when it comes to sex, and how it leads them to feel pressure and shame. They also discuss the reasons why some women may not be reaching orgasm during sex, such as lack of stimulation and foreplay, not understanding their anatomy, medication use, and lack of experience with a partner. She emphasizes the need to communicate and advocate for one's needs during sex, and how it can lead to a more satisfying and pleasurable experience.