Jay Shetty - Ryan Holiday

1) Ryan Holiday and Jay Shetty discuss the importanceof discipline and self-control in achieving sustainability and balance in life.They agree that discipline requires rest, recovery, and relaxation, resistingthe temptation to overdo it and finding a spiritual discipline to regulateimpulses. Holiday talks about how he took his evenings back and stopped workingafter 6 p.m, and he got more done and is better for it. They also discuss theidea that discipline is about deciding what to assent to and what not to, andcontrolling emotions and instincts by putting them to the test.

2) Ryan discusses the challenge of balancing work andfamily responsibilities as a parent while pursuing personal passions and careergoals. He explains how guilt can be a constructive tool for navigating thesecompeting demands by reminding ourselves that every "yes" meanssaying "no" to something or someone else. In this way, guilt can beused to guide decision-making and prioritize actions that truly align with ourvalues and aspirations rather than just saying we prioritize them. Furthermore,Holiday emphasizes that our values are not defined by what we say or think butare reflected in our actions and how we spend our time and money, which can beaudited to reveal our true priorities.

3) Ryan discusses the importance of processes,systems, routines, and good habits in achieving happiness. He emphasizes that wantingto feel happy is not enough; one has to change their thoughts and actions toachieve happiness. He also shares his discipline of doing something hard everyday to push through challenges and build the muscle of perseverance, which istransferable to different aspects of life. Jay also adds that people can tendto push themselves to succeed in their careers but not in their personal lives,where it truly matters.

4) Ryan and Jay discuss the importance of challengingoneself and being vulnerable in personal life just as in professional life.They delve into the idea that most people become someone they don't want to bewhile trying to achieve external success. External success has quantifiableoutcomes, but internal success regarding family and friends doesn't have anynumber or external reward, making it harder to achieve. They emphasize thatoptimizing your personal life can make you better at what you do and care lessabout things that used to bother you.

5) Ryan discusses the challenge of discipline,specifically when trying to break a habit that one hates or wants to eliminate.They suggest that the more intentional you are about shedding the habit orroutine that you do not want, the more challenging it becomes to do so becauseyou grip onto it even harder. They suggest that the beauty of process lies inshowing up day in and day out and making minor improvements compounded overtime, leading one to achieve their goals.

6) Ryan talks about how people often do things, but they're unaware that they're doing it to run away from something. It's important to understand that self-improvement is a journey, and getting comfortable within oneself is a consistent factor. People tend to chase pleasure so much that they lose sight of themselves, which is sad. Ryan then discusses how it's better to take a long-term approach to build and maintain discipline and habits by starting small with daily habit changes rather than expecting instant success. He talks about his experience with addiction to sugar and how his wife helped him to take it step-by-step over six years.

7) Ryan discusses how our society has become so used to instant gratification and the idea that everything can be achieved quickly, that we forget that things take time and patience. He shares his own experience of going through surgery and how the slow process of recovering made him more mindful and present. Additionally, he discusses how the core of stoicism is the idea of not being in control of what happens but in control of how we respond to it, and how even the worst scenarios can be seen as opportunities for practice and growth.

8) Ryan talks about the need to reframe negative thoughts during difficult situations like traveling, recovering from surgery or even Covid-19. He lets viewers know that they have opportunities for growth and change in those challenging situations. He cites Phil Jackson, former Lakers coach, who felt forced to adjust his coaching style after undergoing back surgery and having to sit in a chair during games. He realized that he was taking important things like pacing the sidelines for granted. He also mentions the Stockdale Paradox, which states that people need to unflinchingly accept their situation, even if it means accepting that it might not be easy. Accepting one's situation is the first step in any transformation.

9) Ryan talks about how we can make positive choices even when faced with difficult situations. He shares his own experience in the pandemic where he opened a bookstore but was unable to open it due to the circumstances. He wrote a note card saying 2020 is a test, and he can emerge from it as a better person. We must understand that we can control our internal growth, and we can emerge from difficult situations as a stronger and better human being. We should focus our goals on things that are under our control rather than external validation or societal-driven success. We should be honest about our intentions and not judge ourselves by external measures.

10) Ryan and Jay discuss the balance between creating something that is true to oneself and making it commercially successful. Ryan emphasizes that it is important to focus on creating authentic work that comes from within and is not motivated by external factors, like recognition or fame. He does agree, however, that commercial success is important to him as a value and is okay with that. They also discuss the importance of being present on various platforms, understanding that different people consume information in different ways, and that success should be about reaching people and impacting their lives rather than just sales or followers.

11) Ryan Holiday and Jay Shetty discuss the importance of continuing to develop skills and allowing oneself to become different things. They caution against becoming complacent and limiting oneself to particular experiences that can lead to being typecast in one's own life. Holiday uses the example of Tiger Woods, who changed his swing several times to prevent ossifying and declining, to illustrate that cultivating the muscle of trying something new or different that could potentially work commercially while growing personally is what helps prevent complacency and is the key to continued success.

12) Ryan talks about the fear of losing oneself after achieving success. He explains that having success and proving oneself should make one less risk-averse and more courageous, but the opposite is true. Once a person has achieved success, they have something to lose, and the fear of change becomes greater. Encouragement and discipline complement each other, and the ability to decide whether one is successful or not is key to taking adetour and trying things differently. All growth is a leap in the dark, and taking that leap can be scary, but decoupling external recognition from internal processes can be liberating. Finally, Jay Shetty recommends listeners grab a copy of Ryan Holiday's book "Discipline is Destiny" and givefeedback on Twitter and Instagram.