Jay Shetty - Stephan Speaks

1) Love expert, Stephan Speaks, advises individuals to evaluate if they truly love their partner because infatuation, attachment orother personal motivations may lead them to believe they are in love when it is not mutual. He argues that true love should flow both ways and people should not choose partners based on safety or convenience, but on an honest evaluation of their feelings towards that person. Jay Shetty adds that love is a complex emotion with many definitions that should encompass qualities such as kindness,compassion, patience, understanding, and selflessness. Love also requires time, emotional readiness, understanding one another's love languages, and nurturing the relationship.

2) Stephan and Jay, discuss the different aspects of a romantic relationship, including connection, chemistry, and compatibility. While connection is the recognition of a deeper match with someone, chemistry is more superficial and can be felt with many people. Compatibility is crucial for a long-lasting relationship, but it is often confused with being on the same page on paper. They emphasized the importance of honesty and self-awareness when evaluating whether someone is wasting your time or not. One should carefully consider their true desires and intentions for being with someone before investing too much time and effort.

3) Do you think it's ever okay to fake chemistry or to try to force a connection with someone? Stephan and Jay both agree that it's never okay to force a connection or fake chemistry with someone. Instead, they suggest being honest with yourself and not brushing off any red flags that might indicate that this person is not the one for you. Women especially should pay attention to their intuition because often times, they know early on if a relationship isn't going to work out, but they rationalize reasons to give the man a chance. To discern if there's a deeper connection beyond just chemistry, it's important to ask questions and find out if your paths and purposes align.

4) Stephan emphasizes the importance of encouraging children to pursue what they truly desire and not stifling their growth due to limited ideas of what is socially acceptable. He also talks about the value of getting in tune spiritually and disconnecting from the distractions of the world to discover oneself. He believes that most relationships that involve connection and true love are typically hard, not because relationships have to be hard, but because people have been hurt and are holding onto past traumas. However, the difficulty in managing these relationships comes from mishandling them with bad guidance and fear. He stresses the importance of understanding one's own beliefs and values in solitude to form a clear lens on relationships.

5) Stephan and Jay discuss how people have been given the wrong education when it comes to dealing with relationships. They believe that people are lacking in proper education on how to communicate, listen and create positive relationships, and that too many voices on the internet are giving bad advice. For example, they discuss an instance where someone advised that men shouldn't fall in love, but Stephan and Jay believe that approach is negative and uninspiring. Instead, they want to teach people how to balance their masculine and feminine energies and how to walk in love to maintain those energies while pouring into their partner in a way that allows the relationship to flourish.

6) Stephan discuss the concept of balancing masculine and feminine energies in relationships. They argue that women are not turned off by good men but by men who don't know how to exude and walk in their masculine energy. They explain that being masculine or feminine is not an either/or choice, but rather a balance that requires a lot of transparency, communication, and learning how to be oneself while understanding the need to tap into different energies. They also emphasize the importance of understanding that fear can lead to a loss of oneself and how confidence can shift one's energy in a relationship. Finally, they argue that being a "yes man" can turn off women, and that women want men to stand up for themselves and have meaningful discussions about issues.

7) Stephan discuss the importance of open communication and willingness to take criticism in a relationship. They emphasize the need for both partners to understand that criticism is meant to strengthen the relationship, and that it is crucial to recognize and balance each other's energies during moments of disagreement or conflict. They argue that compassion, sweetness, and kindness in these moments are the true power positions in a relationship, contrary to the common perception that these qualities are weaknesses. They also caution against normalizing unhealthy arguing or crossing lines of disrespect, emphasizing the need for mutual understanding and balance to navigate conflict in a healthy way.

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8) Stephan and Jay focuses on how individuals can become vulnerable and open, trusting that they will be respected by their partners. It's noted that some individuals struggle with this due to past experiences of being taken advantage of, which has caused them to close off. However, not everyone is going to abuse and misuse one's vulnerability, and it's crucial to find someone who can accept us as our best selves. Being vulnerable and loving is not the problem; rather, it's the people we give this energy to who don't respect it. The key is to heal from past wounds, build our confidence, and let our light shine to attract and expose better partners.

9) Stephan and Jay discuss the problem of people wanting to fix their partner, which often stems from the belief that their partner is "broken." This can result in a cycle of constantly critiquing and picking at their partner, which comes from a subconscious belief that their partner is not good enough. They explain that this mentality is not sustainable and often stems from a desire for emotional control or a false sense of security.

10) Stephan and Jay give advice on what to do when you have already spoken to your partner about a problem and they are unwilling to work on it. They highlight the importance of effective communication, and suggest writing a letter can help get everything out and evaluate your tone. Additionally, they advise that if you have done all the work you can and your partner still does not want to work on the problem together or there is no progress, then it may be time to go. They also encourage people to grow individually before attempting to grow collectively, and not to try to win someone back for the wrong reasons.

11) Stephan and Jay discuss healthy ways to move on from a breakup. They emphasize the importance of being honest with oneself about why the relationship didn't work out and the danger of confusing emotions or missing a feeling with missing the person. They also suggest that a breakup can be a blessing in disguise, and that taking time to heal and evaluate oneself can lead to a better relationship in the future. Additionally, they point out that a breakup can be initiated by the other person's issues, showing the importance of not solely blaming oneself. Overall,they encourage individuals to strive to be the best version of themselves and focus on personal growth rather than obsessively trying to win their ex back.

12) Stephan emphasizes the importance of healing oneself after a breakup rather than just healing from the breakup itself. He believes that not healing from past traumas can contribute to one's struggle to move on and can also lead to choosing the wrong partner. Therefore, he recommends having an accountability partner and focusing on one's healing process to gain clarity and avoid repeating the same mistakes. Additionally, having the mindset of recognizing that current pain can lead to future joy can help one accept the pain and move on. Finally, he shares the best and worst relationship advice he has heard, which is to love fully and not to "get under someone to get over someone."

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13) Stephan discusses his current purpose in life,which is to serve and help people heal and experience happier and healthier relationships. He also talks about how he used to think a woman's financial position was important in a relationship, but now he values love and the household environment over financial status. Additionally, he shares that if he could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, it would be to always tell the truth as he believes a world without lying and deceit would be much better. Overall, he provides insights on love and heartbreak, and encourages listeners to read his book "Love After Heartbreak" and share it with others who may be going through tough times or struggling in relationships.